One of the most frequent criticisms northerners direct at London and the south is that the people are so cold and unfriendly in comparison to the cheery Geordies, smiling Scousers, and friendly Tykes. My own observations are inconclusive but their evaluation indicates an important point: friendliness or affability is an important and good thing. Humans are social creatures. We are linked by our common humanity to every person by a special general friendship. As St. Thomas says “we are naturally every man’s friend”.This special virtue of Friendliness is, however, not necessarily about affection. It is about behaving in a becoming manner. Of course there are different degrees of intimacy and behaviour: a relationship with a stranger is very different to that with a friend of longstanding years; likewise our friendly behaviour in a library is very different to friendly behaviour at a dinner party. Nevertheless the common friendship should underline all our social interactions. When we practise this virtue it obliges us to live in an agreeable manner. When we practise this virtue we bring a little bit of joy, we make life pleasant for others. As Aristotle points out “no one could abide a day with the sad, nor with the joyless".
St. Thomas shows that the special virtue of Friendliness is part of justice. Whilst this might seem strange, we each owe one other a natural debt. We are obliged by a natural equity to be pleasant, amicable and friendly, due to the social nature of humanity. It can be a difficult virtue to practise but it helps us to flourish both morally and within society.
Amazing how quickly one can be pulled down into a negative frame of mind, and how difficult it can be to escape from it. This can be a real temptation. Grumbling and dissatisfaction can quickly grow to be a way of life, and it does drag others down with it.
ReplyDeleteT
Affability doesn't seem to be that important -until you meet someone who lacks the quality (in bucketfuls!), and then you realise how important it is.
ReplyDeleteTrying to talk to someone who is determined not to be pleasant, talking to someone who is engaged in a game of one-upmanship of points scoring, someone who is waiting to pounce on your slightest mistake and tell you you are wrong, and at great length...these sitautions can be a real trial, and the danger is that we go from one awkward or unpleasant situation and take a poor attitude with us to inflict it on the next person we meet.
An interesting post- good manners and natural justice, a marriage made in heaven!
(By the way, have you noticed how some married couples speak to and about each other? Rudeness, carelessness and over-bearing behaviour are all indications that there is something wrong with the relationship at a deep level).