How do we react when we read or hear today's Gospel? If we are in the situation where someone has hurt us very deeply, this Gospel may make us feel uncomfortable, because it asks a lot of us. It is relatively straight forward to forgive a minor transgression, such as the late arrival of a friend at the pub, or an occasional careless insensitivity from a family member. But how about if someone seems to do the same kind of thing over and over again, such that the level of hurt develops? It's not quite as easy to forgive in such situations, and being told to 'move on' or 'forget about it' doesn't take seriously the damage that has been done. But all the same, many of us will be aware that keeping tabs of how often we have been hurt by another person can start to become destructive, and serves only to fuel our hurt. It can start to dominate our thinking, and the whole situation can start to snowball.
Even though the hurt is keenly felt, today's Gospel shows us that we need to take a step back from our own grievances and look more widely at the way we treat others. Being able to forgive others for what they have done to us seems to require us first to recognise that we also are people who need to be forgiven. The fact that we have all done wrong means that we all stand in need of God's mercy, and of the mercy of others. This common need for pardon is one of the great levellers! When we experience forgiveness from others for what we have done, it allows us to breath again, and our horizons are broadened. It sets us back on the road and allows us to try again. And when we forgive someone who has hurt us, we receive even more. We not only give that gift of freedom to someone else, but we experience a new freedom ourselves.
Learning to forgive on a daily basis can be hard and painful. But it is at the very heart of our human flourishing to be able to do this. God asks nothing less of us because it is through forgiveness that we learn how to love, and that we are made fit for the kingdom.
Quite right. What were the Jews thinking of in late 1930s/early 1940s Germany, going on about persecution and then extermination? Victim mentality! Can't they see that obsessing over these unpleasantries is just psychologiically damaging for them? Oh, hang on, that's not right...
ReplyDeleteThere seem to be some things very off target about Br Robert's argument here. At one level, there is the old chestnut about forgiving people who are not in the slightest bit sorry for what they have done, and would do it again if they felt like it/given the chance. The harm may stop just because the perpetrator is lying low, hoping to get away with something, before returning. But this is perhaps the straightforward difficulty with the argument.
But more worryingly, there is some playing with tenses going on here. The valid question is presented, 'How about if someone seems to do the same kind of thing over and over again..?' But Br Robert's answer seems flawed: 'being told to 'move on'... doesn't take seriously the damage that has been done. But all the same...' And it is a big 'but'. However, we are not just thinking about what has been done, but about an ongoing situation. And where it is an abusive pattern of behavior, the situation is likely to be ongoing in to the future. Do we tell the Jew in 1930s Germany, or the child being bullied in the playground, that 'keeping tabs of how often we have been hurt... can start to become destructive'? The key to blocking human rights abuses at a national level, and bullying whether in schools, workplaces or church communities, is to document every incident, and escalate as/when necessary.
Another problematic area is that of course harm can be done to us in the past that is more than just an insensitive comment - the harm can continue into the future, whether it is a husband leaving his wife and children for his student or his secretary, or the lie that is perperated and which continues to cause harm over time and into the present until it is retracted. Once someone has benefited from their newer model, or their lie, which can affect the lives of other's for years or even for their lives, it must be very easy to say that it is time to stop obsessing and move on.